Hi there … this is me … Garth. Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I have a stomach ulcer. I was born in Oklahoma.

This is my mom. She has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.

This is my brother Hank. He is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.

My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. She smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandmom has sores all over. The flies are pretty terrible.

My mom says she is almost positive this is my dad because his name is Garth. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are going fishing.

My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident. It was a real big ol' mess.

We are proud of my older brother Barney. He is 27. He wants to be a Doctor and can write his own name.

This is my older sister Sue Ellen. She has 15 kids and they all look different. She has a disease that makes her itch real bad.

Jethro is my first cousin. He runs a tomato stand down by the highway. He once went 53 days without taking a bath. Jethro is also my uncle.

This is Buck. He is my second cousin. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth. See how good he did for Jill? Buck used to be married to Sue Ellen.

This is Sue-Ellen's boyfriend for now. His name is Larry. He fixes lawn mowers in the city. My sister says he has a really fine hairy ass.

This is Michael. He used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate. I still wear his underwear.

These are 2 kids we throw stuff at. There used to be 3 of them. Mom says we can't throw heavy stuff no more.

Jake holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 trailers. Jake crashed alot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmit.

My uncle Marky is still having problems. He doesn't know what he wants in life anymore. He is a Vietnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store cialis india.

This is my step brother Phil. He had a hunting accident years ago. The bullet is lodged just over his right ear. It's hard to understand him sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.

This is my twin brother Bert. We were born 4 minutes apart. Bert was born in Arkansas. Bert made medical history when he fell out of my mom's ass during birth. I hate him.

My great grandmom is lots of fun. She still chews tobacco and rides a bicycle. Great-Grandmom dates younger men with teeth.

This is Hiram. He is one of my mom's boyfriends. He has a rectal infection that makes him fart alot. I think he caused our dog Rebel to die.

This is my sister Molly. Mom said she just showed up at our trailer home one day and never left. She bit the mailman. She loves to drink water from the toilet bowl. She smokes cigarettes too.

My cousin Eddie went to New York this summer. A piece of the Statue of Liberty fell off and hit him in the head. Eddie now has the I.Q. of a tomato plant.

We found Willy sleeping under our trailer one night. Mom is teaching him how to use toilet paper. Mom said Willy could be Bert's father.

This is my half brother Boomer. Boomer is going to be a policeman one day. He already patrols the interstate and stops the bad people. Boomer is getting married to Molly. They want lots of children.

Walt dates my great-grandmom. He grows pumpkins on 7 acres of land. He likes chasing great-grandmom through his pumpkin patch in his underwear. They are a wild pair.

This is my third cousin Smitty. Smitty works in a dog collar factory in the city. He works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. Every electric dog collar is tested on Smitty before they are shipped to the store.

This is my sister Jill's boyfriend Paul. He is running for Mayor in the city. He hates kids and old people. Our neighbor Mrs. Dot is taking him to court for spitting on her baby. He also wants to ban wheelchairs in the city.

My half brother JimBob and his wife Petunia. She is pretty I think. They raise Possum in their back yard. They are not allowed to have children.