Confession …

I have a confession.

I … am a Baby Boomer.

Hm, interesting aphorism, I think.

Dig this: there seems to be some empirical evidence that Baby Boomers are a "self-serving" bunch. Right on. Bitchin'.

But can you blame us? Our parents decided to invade the world with an explosion of babies!

Upon some research, I discovered that I was born in THE AGE OF INNOCENCE (which ran from 1946-1964). I spent most of my growing up years during THE AGE OF REBELLION (1964-1974). Was there any wonder why I turned out as I did? More irony! I was stupid and got married — and had children — during THE AGE OF SELF-INDULGENCE (1974-1987), but the most ironic thing is that I got smart and got my divorce during THE COMING OF AGE (1987-1996), which I consider the return of my growing up years, or rather, that I took my life back in my own hands.

Bob Seger was right — rock and roll never forgets — and neither does time. Me, I used to have a very good memory, but alas, I believe I had discovered why I don't remember things as well: A new study of Alzheimer's Disease is targeting baby boomers. One more thing to worry about besides surviving retirement!

Now this is interesting …

According to a study from the Harvard School of Public Health and the Met Life Foundation, Boomers can find fulfillment in volunteering.

"We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving. There's a choice we're making; we're saving our own lives. It's true we'll make a better day — just you and me."

Oh, sorry. Where was I …

Yes, finally there is someone is looking at us as a resource instead of a rotting anchor dragging society down. Now, this really makes sense, for if you take into the account the best intentions of our wild youth, volunteering should be second nature to us. And — apparently it's also good for us.

Yeah. Okay. Groovy. Just don't ask me to stuff envelopes.

More news to make one all bright and cheery. Um. Yeah. Baby Boomers have been the subject of several articles concerning how we will affect the economy over the next couple of decades. Not be be lost in the banter is an article from Europe concerning the growning environmental impact of dying Boomers. It seems that us ecology-minded Baby Boomers are actually contributing to the solid waste and air polution problem.

Grody.

MORE bad news.Here's unrefutable proof that our mothers were right! According to an article in USA Today ("Studies Foresee Increased Vision Loss Among Boomers"), we Boomers are going blind at an alarming rate. Boomers made masturbation a daily ritual despite what our mothers had warned us. Now, please note that they dispell the hairy palms myth, but not a word is said about going blind, but it all adds up to being a confirmation by omission.

I really hate it when Mom is right.

And now Bill Gates, who isn't exactly a Gen-X'er, decides to slap his peer Boomers in the face! Microsoft is now working on technology to ease us into what they call the "awkward age of computing." Hmm. Does this mean my computer will soon be able to not only yell back, but fight back — pick up a hammer and threaten me? or a screwdriver and threaten to disassemble? "Number 5 is Alive!"

"Microsoft's New Campaign Targets Aging Baby Boomers"
Associated Press

SEATTLE — Has the print on your computer screen gotten too small? Is that auto-alert you've set up too faint? Can't find your cursor?

Hey there, Microsoft says, maybe it's not the technology troubling you, but the inevitable signs of aging.

On Monday, Microsoft will unveil a marketing campaign aimed at workers the software company says "may be entering the 'awkward age of computing.' "

The technology it's touting, such as text magnification, speech recognition and filter keys, already exist in Microsoft products, and was developed mainly for disabled users. But with the U.S. workforce getting older, Microsoft figures more people are finding their computer has become "awkward."

Fuck you Bill Gates.

I remember the internet and computing when there was no Microsoft, when the only browser we had was Mosaic and the O/S was DOS — and I still know DOS.

Okay. Now I feel better.

Some of my favorites toys and games that came out during the Boomer years while I was a Toys R Us kind of kid — Hey wait! I still am! Wooly Willy was born the same year I was — 1955. (I have no clue what a Wooly Willy is. Shhh.) What followed were, Play-Doh and the original Ant Farm — and Yahtzee! (1956), Frisbee (1957), Hula Hoop and LEGO (1958), Barbie (1959), and two toys (c. 1960) that were frustrating — Etch-A-Sketch (the darn thing never drew like you wanted it to) and Game of Life (I always ended up with a bazillion kids falling out of my tiny car). Then along came the the Chatter Telephone (1962) and the Easy Bake Oven (1963) towards the tail end of Boomerdom.

I think about just these favorites of mine that were introduced in the first few years of my life, and no wonder we all masturbated! The Game of Life, the Ant Farm, a not-so Easy-Bake Oven, and super big boobed Barbie; then, shake them hips with the Hula Hoop, added to the power of CREATION with Play-Doh, LEGO and Etch-A-Sketch.

The Boomer era ended in 1964 and our life changed a bit. G.I. Joe was introduced then, followed by Creepy Crawlers and Operation (1965), Twister (1966) and Battleship (1967). You think the Vietnam War had anything to do with this? Hm. The 70s started us using our brain; Mastermind (1971) and, for many of us, a life-altering change, Dungeons and Dragons (1974).

Pax …